Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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