kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
