I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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