In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
