He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who died my cat blue again?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
