happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
