I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they call him Oral-B. enough said
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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