He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
