Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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