I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
