Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you win again, gameday.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
