This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
