The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
