my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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