I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
