; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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