I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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