it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't deserve a penis
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
as a side note pls kill me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
