After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
