you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
