i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
