people are starting to question the shark bite story
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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