Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
