So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
