I could have mohawked her pubes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
