Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
