We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
