I hate your face
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
