we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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