i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
