I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
