Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
