I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
