I think my fart just growled at me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
