God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
