I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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