Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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