Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
