As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
