I just made out with a guy for $7.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Im part way to drunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
