If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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