What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need moral support for this bender
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
