My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
