I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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