If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
