a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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