youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So many bounce houses so little time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
