you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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