You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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