He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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