come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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